Month: March 2016

Should You Really Ask The Tough Questions Before Getting Married?

I came across an article about 13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married. Fortunately, it came too late. Exactly 25 years too late.
Because I read it just as I was celebrating my 25th wedding anniversary.
Relationship experts from the National Institute of Relationship Enhancement, the Couples Institute, and a divorce coach urge those contemplating the forever “I Dos” to step back first and answer some really tough questions such as:

Will you bail me out if I have debt? How often will you want sex now and in the future? Will you change diapers when we have children? Do you really like my parents?

Dear friends: Those of you who are single, recently married, divorced, or past the 10-year-mark, I suspect that you may have some strong reactions to this article and it’s worth reading through the full story.

My questions for the experts: Are you married? Did you ask these questions before you were married? And are you still married?

Yes, these are important questions and I believe these subjects should be discussed before marriage. But seriously, how many of us in the throes of infatuation and lust would answer truthfully? What is truth? Who can predict the future at such a time in our lives?

In my rear-mirror view, I know now I should have asked a few more questions. I needed far more clarity on the diaper issue, for instance, but on the major issues I put my trust in someone who shared my values. A few years ago, I knew I could count on my husband when my 90-year-old mother needed a step up to assisted living. No question about it.

So I guess I wonder how many of us would really take those vows if we fessed up to all those answers. Maybe a little bit of faith and eventual compromise really gets you through. But don’t ask me. I’m no expert.

 

What’s Wrong With The Media Diet Story?

First they took away my bagels. Then they threatened my breakfast. Now they’re trying to talk me into fasting.

By they you know who I mean: the journalists who jump on every research study, no matter how limited the results, no matter how flimsy, to tell us how to stay healthy, lose weight, and become better human beings. Ok, I made up the last one.

I’ve been on this media diet for years. In fact, I’m guilty of covering  stories like “The New Diet Pills.”  I’ve Slim-Fasted and Low-Carbed and at this point all I know is that skepticism is essential in a world gone kale crazy.

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Here’s what I’ve told my students about understanding research:

Go deeper and link to the research article. If the journal is behind a paywall, you can still read the abstract.

Check for potential bias and conflicts of interest. Researchers must disclose their relationships with the industry. Ask who funded the study. Is it the National Kale Foundation touting the benefits of kale? OK, you know I hate kale, but it doesn’t always mean that the study is biased. Still, it’s important to know when evaluating the study.

Next, look at the study methods. If it’s a sleep study, did people self-report their snooze habits or were they observed in controlled environments?

When it comes to that fasting study, did they study mice, men or women? Which one are you?

Was it a longitudinal study – done over many years with many participants – or a limited study that included a small group of people in an obscure part of the world?

How significant is this? Do these findings replicate a previous study? Or do the experts say it’s promising or needs further study?

Then, look in the mirror and ask: Is this relevant for me?

My mirror said: “Healthy overweight friend, you need some scrambled eggs for breakfast or else you’ll get dizzy and fall over.”

But hey, feel free to fast if it makes you happy.

As for me, I’m waiting for the breakthrough study that finally reveals that bagels lead to a long and happy life.

What I Teach My Students About Study Abroad

I’m really getting hungry for one of those crepes oozing with chocolate that they sell near the Notre- Dame Cathedral in Paris. I’m dreaming about a perfectly cloudless day at the Acropolis in Greece, my navy espadrilles covered in dust. Continue reading “What I Teach My Students About Study Abroad”