Where You Go To College Does Matter

It’s finally over. My son Alex chose the college he’ll attend next year.  I paid the deposit.  It took less than 10 minutes

My son knows he’s lucky to have parents who can juggle resources to send him to the top private university he chooses.  As the daughter of an immigrant and the first in my family to attend college, I didn’t have those choices and I get annoyed when I read those stories that tell you that where you go to college doesn’t really matter.  I know it matters because I got lucky, too, and I know that for kids without money, connections, or privilege, where you go to college can sometimes make all the difference in where you end up.

How did it happen?  In my middling Miami high school of 3,000 students, my counselor, who had about 600 on her watch, invited me into her office one day and told me she had met an admissions rep from New York University and assured me that I’d most likely get in with a scholarship.

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Washington Square Park

So, it was a random event that led me to NYU on a full ride until the end of my sophomore year when a family crisis forced me to give up my scholarship, move home, and transfer to the state university. Only in my junior year, sitting in classes with hundreds of students, did I realize what I had given up. In an incredible act of generosity, NYU took me back and returned most of my scholarship for my senior year.  During that critical period I held an important magazine internship and built a relationship with a professor who became a mentor and friend.

Of course, I could have succeeded in my career with a degree from the state university; many of my friends in other fields such as accounting did very well. But my opportunities would have been quite different and the truth is that my NYC experiences impressed the editors in Florida who hired me.

I’m always on the lookout in the classes I teach for students who may be first-generation, who need a little extra attention and I’m thrilled when they reach out to me.  As an attorney and child advocate in Baltimore, I saw few young adults make it to college without intensive support from mentors and outreach programs that identify scholars.

Every year we read amazing stories about those rare high school seniors accepted to all the Ivies but I prefer articles  about counselors guiding a new first generation of students, living much tougher lives than mine. In a high school in Queens, NY, a counselor, assigned by the non-profit College Advising Corps, urges her students to dream bigger than the local community college, to state universities, private universities, and the Ivies. Her salary, a modest $35,000 a year, is partly paid by NYU.

 

 

It’s Never Too Late To Marry Your College Boyfriend

Mae, one my closest friends, got married a few days ago, for the first time, at the age of 59. She married her college boyfriend.

Simple math: She was 16 and a freshman when they met 43 years ago in the dorms at the University of Miami.

Here are a few essential things to know about Mae:

In a world clouded by cynicism, she is one of the most optimistic and generous people I know.

She spent her 20s creating intricate lace and beaded wedding gowns for dozens of brides, many of whom became her friends. I met one at her wedding.

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At the wedding with Mae

In her 30s, she became a therapist, a natural transition following years of providing counsel for her many friends. Oh, the hours she spent on the phone getting me through the many real and imagined crises in my life.

Her therapeutic work focused on bringing joy into the lives of the elderly, running bereavement workshops for children, and working in Miami for many years with cancer patients and their families. You can get a sense of her personality by watching an interview with her a few minutes into a documentary  about caring in the face of loss.

In a ballroom filled with white orchid centerpieces that almost reached to the ceiling, a 10-piece band played “I’ve Dreamed of You,” a song written by Ann Hampton Calloway, as John and Mae took their first dance.

I saw her again as the girl I knew: the first friend I made at Glades Junior High, Mae, my dance partner at our 7th grade fall dance. Now here she was floating in a lace gown she had sewn herself, surrounded by a lifetime’s collection of friends who loved her. What a privilege it is to be one of them.

 

What I Teach My Students About Study Abroad

I’m really getting hungry for one of those crepes oozing with chocolate that they sell near the Notre- Dame Cathedral in Paris. I’m dreaming about a perfectly cloudless day at the Acropolis in Greece, my navy espadrilles covered in dust. Continue reading “What I Teach My Students About Study Abroad”