Category: Romance

It’s Never Too Late To Marry Your College Boyfriend

Mae, one my closest friends, got married a few days ago, for the first time, at the age of 59. She married her college boyfriend.

Simple math: She was 16 and a freshman when they met 43 years ago in the dorms at the University of Miami.

Here are a few essential things to know about Mae:

In a world clouded by cynicism, she is one of the most optimistic and generous people I know.

She spent her 20s creating intricate lace and beaded wedding gowns for dozens of brides, many of whom became her friends. I met one at her wedding.

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At the wedding with Mae

In her 30s, she became a therapist, a natural transition following years of providing counsel for her many friends. Oh, the hours she spent on the phone getting me through the many real and imagined crises in my life.

Her therapeutic work focused on bringing joy into the lives of the elderly, running bereavement workshops for children, and working in Miami for many years with cancer patients and their families. You can get a sense of her personality by watching an interview with her a few minutes into a documentary  about caring in the face of loss.

In a ballroom filled with white orchid centerpieces that almost reached to the ceiling, a 10-piece band played “I’ve Dreamed of You,” a song written by Ann Hampton Calloway, as John and Mae took their first dance.

I saw her again as the girl I knew: the first friend I made at Glades Junior High, Mae, my dance partner at our 7th grade fall dance. Now here she was floating in a lace gown she had sewn herself, surrounded by a lifetime’s collection of friends who loved her. What a privilege it is to be one of them.

 

Should You Really Ask The Tough Questions Before Getting Married?

I came across an article about 13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married. Fortunately, it came too late. Exactly 25 years too late.
Because I read it just as I was celebrating my 25th wedding anniversary.
Relationship experts from the National Institute of Relationship Enhancement, the Couples Institute, and a divorce coach urge those contemplating the forever “I Dos” to step back first and answer some really tough questions such as:

Will you bail me out if I have debt? How often will you want sex now and in the future? Will you change diapers when we have children? Do you really like my parents?

Dear friends: Those of you who are single, recently married, divorced, or past the 10-year-mark, I suspect that you may have some strong reactions to this article and it’s worth reading through the full story.

My questions for the experts: Are you married? Did you ask these questions before you were married? And are you still married?

Yes, these are important questions and I believe these subjects should be discussed before marriage. But seriously, how many of us in the throes of infatuation and lust would answer truthfully? What is truth? Who can predict the future at such a time in our lives?

In my rear-mirror view, I know now I should have asked a few more questions. I needed far more clarity on the diaper issue, for instance, but on the major issues I put my trust in someone who shared my values. A few years ago, I knew I could count on my husband when my 90-year-old mother needed a step up to assisted living. No question about it.

So I guess I wonder how many of us would really take those vows if we fessed up to all those answers. Maybe a little bit of faith and eventual compromise really gets you through. But don’t ask me. I’m no expert.

 

A Not-So-Funny Valentine’s Story

I was once so desperate to get the attention of a young man who dumped me that I created a poetry magazine just to publish my sad little Valentine’s Day poem.

Many Valentine’s Days have come and gone and none were as desperate as that one but those pathetic lines proved prophetic:

“Valentine’s Eve, no knights of desire…Caught up like a kite in the wind with too many trees in my path.”

Ok, folks, I was only 16.
Over the years I spent many more of those Valentine’s Days and Nights alone than with someone special.

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But things changed early in my coupledom with my husband as we sometimes went out to overpriced dinners and I received the $50-a- dozen-soon-to-be- wilting red roses. A night out – dinner, a sitter – could set us back a lot. I realized how lucky I was to be part of a couple and how much time I had wasted being sad when I was solo.

Yes, it’s the thought that counts and here’s my thought.

My Nordic prince, wherever you are: You were not worth poetry, not even my bad poetry. After I exposed myself and heard people laughing behind my back, I waited for any response. Even if I couldn’t win you back, I hoped to see some twinkle of recognition as you passed by and looked down from your lofty heights. Yet, I never knew what you thought. Only years later did someone tell me her story. Then I realized you were probably just making your way through the yearbook. I was only in the Fs. You had to hurry. It was midway through junior year and it was a long way to Z.